As an effective facilitator, stop saying “I”

Learn to naturally substitute the plural “we” or “us”.  However, for others, it remains a significant challenge. Therefore, if challenged, consider this opportunity as the number one change you can embrace to become a more effective facilitator. Stop saying “I”.

We have witnessed many people using the word “I” over three times in one sentence and over one dozen times in one minute. In other words, don’t be that person.

For instance, look at these examples drawn from numerous self-directed comments.

• “I am going to . . .”
  • could be, “We are going to…”
• “I believe . . .”
  • Could be, “Do you believe…”
• “I can agree . . .”
  • Could be, “Will you support…’
• “I can see it both ways . . .”
  • COULD BE DELETED ENTIRELY, reflect both ways instead.
• “I expect . . . ”
  • Could be, “We may see …”
• “I got it.”
  • Should be, “Do you all understand that…”
• “I like it . . .”
  • Should never be spoken.
• “I like that one . . .”
  • Should never be spoken.
• “I need . . .”
  • Should always be, “We need…”
• “I need your input . . .”
  • Should be “We need your input…”

 

Look at these …

• “I propose . . .”
  • Is never the role of the facilitator.
• “I see . . .”
  • Should be, “Do you all see that…”
• “I see nodding . . .”
  • Needs reflection of WHY they are nodding.
• “I think . . .”
  • You were hired to facilitate, not think.
• “I think we have . . .”
  • Substitute with “It appears…”
• “I want . . .”
  • Again, “We need…”
• “I would like . . .”
  • Again, “We need…”

 

Now for our favorite …

____________________________________________

• “I’d like you to help me . . .”
  • But we hired you to help us!

____________________________________________

Followed by …

• “I’ll talk about . . .”
  • Shut up and listen.
• “I’m hearing . . .”
  • Should be, “We’re hearing that…”
• “I’m very interested in . . .”
  • Could be, “We would all benefit from knowing…”
• “What I would like you to do . . .”
  • Should be “What we need to do now is…”
• “What I’d like to do . . .”
  • You don’t need permission to do your job, just do it.
• “What I’d like to do now is . . .”
  • Should be, “What we are going to do next is…”

 

Or, using a first-person variant such as:

• “Sounds to me . . .”
• “My thoughts . . .”
• “Can you tell me . . .”
• “Tell me . . .”
• “Help me . . .”
• “My meeting . . .”

 

Our favorites are in bold font (“Help me”) 

Since we are led to believe that the reason for engaging a facilitator is to help us (participants), simply use integrative rhetoric, substituting the plural “we” or “us” such as “We need . . .” or “We are going to . . .”  The biggest challenge for many is that they remain unconscious as to what they are saying, how many times they are saying “I”, and the negative impact it has on their persona as an effective facilitator.  When a meeting leader frequently uses the word “I”, such as “I”. . . believe . . .  want . . . think . . .  hope . . . need . . . feel . . . etc . . . focus becomes directed at them instead of the issue at hand, most importantly, the meeting deliverable. Therefore, guess who will own the deliverable at the end of such a meeting?  The “I”s have it

How to Influence Ownership

To ensure that ownership of meeting output is owned and shared by everyone, and to help you become a more effective facilitator, look at the difference between the following two terms:

1. Illness
2. Wellness

The simple (and somewhat humorous, albeit coincidental) difference is contrasting the first person singular to the first person plural. Above all, the focus should always be on the issue and the participants, not on the facilitator.

Record yourself some time, listen to the recording, and count the occurrences of the word “I.”  You may be surprised, and if so, now you can do something about it to become a more effective facilitator.

Finally, stay vigilant about saying “Thank you” too often. Optimally, you should probably never say “Thank you”, but we understand the need for you to be natural as well. However, if you are constantly thanking participants for their contributions, who does it appear the deliverable is built to serve? Therefore, transferring ownership of the meeting output begins with integrative and pluralistic rhetoric. Avoid the colloquial and stay conscious. After all, you should be there to serve them, not the other way around.

Build Immediate Results, Create Long-Lasting Impact

Our hands-on approach to meeting leadership, facilitation, and design offers immediate improvements in the productivity and effectiveness of your meetings. By focusing on purpose-driven agendas, engaging facilitation, and clear processes, we empower professionals to create meetings that yield results, enhance decision quality, and foster meaningful participation. 

Are you ready to transform your meetings into opportunities for impactful decision-making and innovative problem-solving? Explore our curriculum and discover how structured training in meeting leadership and facilitation can elevate your team’s potential and enhance every session’s effectiveness.

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Don’t ruin your career by hosting bad meetings. Sign up for a workshop or send this to someone who should. MGRUSHworkshops focus on meeting design and practice. Each person practices tools, methods, and activities daily during the week. Therefore, while some call this immersion, we call it the road to building high-value facilitation skills.

Our workshops also provide a superb way to earn up to 40 SEUs from the Scrum Alliance, 40 CDUs from IIBA, 40 Continuous Learning Points (CLPs) based on Federal Acquisition Certification Continuous Professional Learning Requirements using Training and Education activities, 40 Professional Development Units (PDUs) from SAVE International, as well as 4.0 CEUs for other professions. (See workshop and Reference Manual descriptions for details.)

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With Bookmarks no longer a feature in WordPress, we need to add the following for your benefit and reference

• 20 Prioritization Techniques = https://foldingburritos.com/product-prioritization-techniques/
• Creativity Techniques = https://www.mycoted.com/Category:Creativity_Techniques
• Facilitation Training Calendar = https://mgrush.com/public-facilitation-training-calendar/
• Liberating Structures = http://www.liberatingstructures.com/ls-menu
• Management Methods = https://www.valuebasedmanagement.net
• Project Gutenberg = http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page
• Scrum Events Agendas = https://mgrush.com/blog/scrum-facilitation/
• Teleconference call = https://youtu.be/DYu_bGbZiiQ
• The Size of Space = https://neal.fun/size-of-space/
• Visualization methods = http://www.visual-literacy.org/periodic_table/periodic_table.html#