Numerous alumni have asked if we have read Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, and so we did.

Most of us do not take the time to read everything on our “Book List”. Therefore, please find our takeaways from Crucial Conversations as they apply to being a more effective facilitator. For your benefit, they are listed sequentially according to the page numbers in the first edition (2002).

First Part

Crucial Conversations and the Dialogue Model

• Glossary – Crucial conversations provide a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.
• Page xii – Crucial conversations do not simply transact and inform, rather they transform. They create a middle way, not a compromise, between two opposites on a straight-line continuum, like a higher middle ground. Think of the apex of a triangle.
• Page xiii – Most breakthroughs in life are truly “break-withs” meaning that we must let go of old habits, patterns, and beliefs to allow room for new ideas to rise.
• Page 20 – Skilled facilitators find a way to get all the relevant information considered in the discussion, providing an integrative path whereby the question is not “Who gets the biggest piece?” but rather “How can we make the pie bigger?”
• Page 24 – Decision-making quality is improved with increased shared meaning and crucial conversations. For additional discussion on this critical topic, see our posting on the importance of rhetorical precision and how participants can be in violent agreement with each other, and need someone to listen.
• Page 29 – Ironically, the most talented people continuously try to improve their dialogue skills. Hopefully, that means you and I as well.
• Page 43 – Focus on AND, not BUT. Stifle comments that begin with “X, Y, and Z may be true BUT . . .” and force your participants to use the word AND as in “X, Y, and Z may be true AND . . .”
• Page 49 – When it’s safe, people can say anything. When it’s unsafe, participants start to go blind. Remember the first responsibility of the facilitator is to protect the people in the room. The deliverable is sought only to serve the people and not the other way around. Make them safe, first and foremost.

Second Part

• Page 126 – Begin with facts because facts are the least controversial, the most persuasive, and the least insulting. By MG Rush standards, facts are objective components to which we can all agree. Remember to convert the subjective (as in subject matter expert) to the objective by asking about the unit of measurements (resulting in objective Scoville units rather than subjective comments about the chili being hot).
• Page 141 – One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them. Frequently participants simply need to know that someone else understands their point of view. Do not forget that active listening implies providing reflection about what they said and confirming whether or not you were correct, an essential component of crucial conversations.
• Page 164 – Four methods of decision-making: command, consult, vote, and consensus. While the FAST technique discourages voting, even these world-class authors (e.g., Steven Covey) suggest using consensus building for complex issues with high stakes, where everyone must support the final choice.
• Page 182 – Dialogue Model (slightly modified)

See www.crucialconversations.com for further insight: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson (Author), Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author), Al Switzler (Author), Stephen R. Covey (Author), Publisher: McGraw-Hill; first edition (June 18, 2002), ISBN-10: 0071401946, ISBN-13: 978-0071401944

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Facilitation Expert

Terrence Metz, MBA, CSM, CSPF, PSP01, HTTO1, is the Managing Director of MG RUSH Facilitation Leadership, Training, and Meeting Design, an acknowledged leader in structured facilitation training, and author of “Meetings That Get Results – A Facilitator’s Guide to Building Better Meetings.” His FAST Facilitation Best Practices blog features nearly 300 articles on facilitation skills and tools aimed at helping others lead meetings that produce clear and actionable results. His clients include Agilists, Scrum teams, program and project managers, senior officers, and the business analyst community among numerous private and public companies and global corporations. As an undergraduate of Northwestern University (Evanston, IL) and an MBA graduate from NWU’s Kellogg School of Management, his professional experience has focused on process improvement and product development. He continually aspires to make it easier for others to succeed.