- \n
- Often, the participant is formulating thoughts on the spot and your playback helps them to further develop the thought process. The act of communication<\/a> affects the content\u00a0being communicated and shared.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Participants experience being heard by others\u2014listened to, since they will listen to you, the leader.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Separates the arguments<\/a> and opinions from the people or contributing participants so that everyone joins in.<\/span><\/li>\n
- To reflect effectively, everyone needs to understand the underlying reason(s)<\/span><\/a> supporting each participant\u2019s contribution.<\/span><\/li>\n
- You express an attitude of servant leadership<\/a>—openness and listening.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n
\u201cTalking is what I do, but listening is my job.\u201d<\/em><\/span>
\n \u2014 Ryan Seacrest<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\nFour Steps Comprise Active Listening<\/h3>\n
People don\u2019t care what you know until they know that you care. By definition, active listening requires four discrete activities.<\/span><\/p>\n
- \n
- CONTACT<\/strong>\u2014Connect with the participant who is contributing. You frequently establish contact with eye contact, open posture, and nonverbal responses that signify acceptance (not necessarily agreement).<\/span><\/li>\n
- ABSORB<\/strong>\u2014strive to take in all aspects behind the spoken message, implicit and explicit and nonverbal “intonations”. Do not judge or evaluate, the positive or the negative.<\/span><\/li>\n
- REFLECT & FEED BACK<\/strong>\u2014mirror, reflect, or give feedback on what has been heard and WHY<\/strong> the contributor claims to be pertinent and valid.<\/span><\/li>\n
- CONFIRM<\/strong>\u2014Obtain confirmation from the speaker that you represent the participant\u2019s message accurately. If not, have the contributor repeat their message from the beginning by restating their viewpoint and the evidence to support it (facts, examples, observations, experience, statistics, etc.).<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Feed Back<\/h3>\n
\n\u201cTo listen with understanding means seeing the expressed idea and attitude from the other person\u2019s point of view, sensing how it feels to the person . . . This may sound absurdly simple, but it is not.\u201d<\/span>
\n\u2014Dr Carl R Rogers<\/span><\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n![\"The](\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/reflection-e1558124760258.png\" "\\"Reflection\\"")
Without Reflection, there is no Active Listening<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n
<\/p>\n
Providing feedback and reflection is a critical element that sets active listening apart from passive listening. Reflection, which can be both verbal and non-verbal, ensures that listeners not only hear but also understand the speaker\u2019s message as intended. In contrast, passive listening often involves moving from one statement to the next without offering any confirmation or clarification.<\/span><\/p>\n
To practice active listening effectively, aim to capture participants’ input verbatim and provide feedback using one of these three techniques to confirm understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n
Three Reflection Techniques<\/h3>\n
- \n
- Synthesize<\/strong>\u2014shape the numerous fragments of multiple participants into a whole<\/a>, working through their stream of consciousness, many times with participants speaking over one another.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Summarize<\/strong>\u2014communication frequently occurs without foresight. Often more words are used than necessary. When you summarize, boil it down to its essence, core message, or causal link. Optimally isolate the key verb and noun<\/a> components first. Participants rarely argue about verbs and nouns. They frequently argue about adjectives and adverbs (ie., modifiers).<\/span><\/li>\n
- Paraphrase<\/strong>\u2014stating, repeating what the participant(s) said in fewer words. Do not substitute your own words without carefully securing confirmation from the participant. Always preserve the original meaning and intent.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
When providing reflective feedback, depersonalize the content with your choice of words or\u00a0rhetoric<\/a>. Do NOT say \u2018You<\/em> said . . . \u2018\u00a0 Rather, feedback on their statements with integrative rhetoric such as, \u201cWe<\/em> heard . . .\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n
Strive for completeness when providing reflection. Next, avoid the general \u2018Does everyone agree with THAT?\u2019 by replacing content for the impersonal pronoun<\/a> \u201cthat\u201d. For example, \u2018Will you support the claim that torture can be consciously objectionable?\u2019 works better because participants are clearer about the precise content being reflected.<\/span><\/p>\n
Why Active Listening Works<\/h3>\n
Active listening is powerful because it fosters relationships and builds stronger connections between participants. By modeling active listening, you set an example for everyone in the room. It forms the foundation for clarity and significantly increases the likelihood of mutual understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n
When we confirm our understanding of participants’ input, we gain a clearer and often deeper appreciation of the assumptions that shape their perspectives and decision-making. In other words, active listening allows participants to better see the world through each other’s eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n
Most people understand that listening is a critical skill, but few recognize the subtle difference between standard active listening and truly superb active listening. The key to mastering it lies in focusing not just on what is being said, but on why it is being said.<\/span><\/p>\n
Active Listening Tip: Challenge the Why<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Most listeners focus on what the speaker says. However, our most important active listening tip is to go deeper: listen and reflect on why the speaker is saying what they are saying. Often, participants talk about symptoms (e.g., ‘This hurts’) instead of addressing underlying causes (e.g., ‘I\u2019ve been working 70 hours a week’). To foster deeper discussions, challenge them to uncover the root causes behind their statements.<\/span><\/p>\n
![\"Active](\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/listening-for-why-300x179.png\")
Active Listening Tip – Challenge for WHY<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n
WHY<\/span> is the Cause (or, the \u201cBecause\u201d) of the WHAT<\/b><\/h3>\n
The WHY<\/strong> becomes apparent during personal conversations. You might ask yourself (while someone is speaking to you) why they are telling you about a particular fact or story. Determining the motivation for the speaking is as important, if not more so, than what is said.<\/span><\/p>\n
Many of us already know this about our children. Consequently, when a teenager says “I hate you,” they don’t really hate you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Rather they say it because<\/span> . . .<\/span><\/p>\n
- \n
- “*&# frustrated”<\/span><\/li>\n
- I didn’t get my way<\/span><\/li>\n
- I don’t have the power to influence you or change your opinion<\/span><\/li>\n
- “*&# embarrassed”<\/span><\/li>\n
- I’m going to hurt you because your words hurt me<\/span><\/li>\n
- I feel hurt, don’t you understand?<\/span><\/li>\n
- You never let me get my way<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The Active Listening Difference<\/b><\/h3>\n
Without trying to become a psychologist, keenly listen for the why,<\/i> especially when:<\/span><\/p>\n
- \n
- A workshop participant is angry<\/a> and\/or confrontational<\/span><\/li>\n
- A participant waxes on about something seeming irrelevant or just waxes on<\/a>, and on<\/span><\/li>\n
- A participant becomes abnormally active or withdrawn<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Our curriculum advises you to confirm what the speaker says, but as the facilitator, it’s equally important to uncover why the speaker made their contribution. Understanding both the what and the why ensures deeper insight into their perspective.<\/span><\/p>\n
The why holds the key to the most critical message, as consensus and actionable next steps are built around addressing the root cause, not just the symptom.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n
For meeting participants to own the solution, they must also own the problem. Therefore, effective facilitators drop the first-person singular terms \u201cI\u201d and \u201cme.\u201d<\/a> They stop offering solutions and quit judging participants’ contributions. Instead, they challenge participants to make their thinking clearer.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n
1. Hence, with interactive listening, ask open questions<\/a> to start the information flow:<\/span><\/h4>\n
![\"Interactive](\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/interactive-listening.png?w=249\")
Interactive Listening<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- \u201cAnd then what?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cTell us more about . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
2. Body language<\/a> interactive listening remains sensitive to:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- Direct eye contact<\/span><\/li>\n
- Involved posture: Lean forward and don\u2019t fold your arms<\/span><\/li>\n
- Use pleasant, encouraging facial expressions.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Smile<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
3. Instead use neutral<\/a> encouragement:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- \u201cHmm\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cInteresting\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cNo kidding?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cReally?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cWow\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
4. Interactive listening permits challenges with add-on comments, comparisons, and analogies<\/a>:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- \u201cWhat makes that different than the (XYZ deal)?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cSounds like trying to hold off the flood by putting your finger in the dike . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
5. Stress clarification questions:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- “Because?”<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cHow will that impact . . . ?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
6. Conclude comments and conversation\u00a0with a summary:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- At the end of the conversation, summarize the important points and ask for confirmation that you understood the other party, not that you necessarily agreed with everything said.<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cYour position on the matter . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
7. Therefore, don\u2019t debate the issue:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- Focus on understanding the other person\u2019s point of view so that you can provide thorough reflection.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Listen intently while the other person talks.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
8. Rather, restate and ask for confirmation:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- \u201cLet\u2019s see if we understand that correctly. We heard that…\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
9. Hence, silence or minimal speaking during interactive listening:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- Silence lasting three to five seconds will encourage the participant to say more.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
10. Most importantly, take notes:<\/span><\/h4>\n
- \n
- \n
- \n
- Note-taking usually honors the speaker and encourages information flow.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Take notes, not dictation; stay in the conversation; maintain eye contact.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Use their words (verbatim) not yours<\/span><\/li>\n
- Remember, if it’s not written<\/a> down, it didn’t happen.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
How Well Are You Listening? The Best Listeners Make the Best Managers<\/strong><\/h3>\n
![\"Listening](\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Areyoulistening.png\")
Listening Skills<\/span> <\/strong>(Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash)<\/p><\/div>\n
- Take notes, not dictation; stay in the conversation; maintain eye contact.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Note-taking usually honors the speaker and encourages information flow.<\/span><\/li>\n
- \n
- Silence lasting three to five seconds will encourage the participant to say more.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \n
- \u201cLet\u2019s see if we understand that correctly. We heard that…\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Listen intently while the other person talks.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Focus on understanding the other person\u2019s point of view so that you can provide thorough reflection.<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cYour position on the matter . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- At the end of the conversation, summarize the important points and ask for confirmation that you understood the other party, not that you necessarily agreed with everything said.<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cHow will that impact . . . ?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- “Because?”<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cSounds like trying to hold off the flood by putting your finger in the dike . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \u201cWhat makes that different than the (XYZ deal)?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cInteresting\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cHmm\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Involved posture: Lean forward and don\u2019t fold your arms<\/span><\/li>\n
- Direct eye contact<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cTell us more about . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \u201cAnd then what?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- A participant waxes on about something seeming irrelevant or just waxes on<\/a>, and on<\/span><\/li>\n
- I didn’t get my way<\/span><\/li>\n
- Summarize<\/strong>\u2014communication frequently occurs without foresight. Often more words are used than necessary. When you summarize, boil it down to its essence, core message, or causal link. Optimally isolate the key verb and noun<\/a> components first. Participants rarely argue about verbs and nouns. They frequently argue about adjectives and adverbs (ie., modifiers).<\/span><\/li>\n
- ABSORB<\/strong>\u2014strive to take in all aspects behind the spoken message, implicit and explicit and nonverbal “intonations”. Do not judge or evaluate, the positive or the negative.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Participants experience being heard by others\u2014listened to, since they will listen to you, the leader.<\/span><\/li>\n