{"id":2944,"date":"2016-06-09T00:01:23","date_gmt":"2016-06-09T04:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terrencemetz.com\/?p=2944"},"modified":"2026-04-21T13:33:47","modified_gmt":"2026-04-21T17:33:47","slug":"stop-saying-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/stop-saying-i\/","title":{"rendered":"The Most Effective Facilitators Stop Saying &#8220;I&#8221; &#8212; Use Pluralistic Rhetoric"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>As an effective facilitator, stop saying &#8220;I&#8221;<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Learn to naturally substitute the plural \u201cwe\u201d or \u201cus\u201d.\u00a0 However, for others, it remains a significant challenge. Therefore, if challenged, consider this opportunity as the number one change you can embrace to become a more effective facilitator. Stop saying &#8220;I&#8221;.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">We have witnessed many people using the word &#8220;I&#8221;\u00a0<u>over three times in one sentence<\/u>\u00a0and\u00a0<strong>over one dozen times in one minute<\/strong>. In other words, don&#8217;t be that person.<\/span><\/h3>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\"><strong>For instance, look at these examples drawn from numerous self-directed comments.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI am going to . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">could be, &#8220;We are going to&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI believe . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Could be, &#8220;Do you believe&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI can agree . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Could be, &#8220;Will you support&#8230;&#8217;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI can see it both ways . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">COULD BE DELETED ENTIRELY, reflect both ways instead.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI expect . . . \u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Could be, &#8220;We may see &#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI got it.\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be, &#8220;Do you all understand that&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI like it . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should never be spoken.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI like that one . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should never be spoken.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI need . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should always be, &#8220;We need&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI need your input . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be &#8220;We need your input&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Look at these &#8230;<\/strong><\/h3>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI propose . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Is never the role of the facilitator.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI see . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be, &#8220;Do you all see that&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI see nodding . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Needs reflection of WHY they are nodding.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI think . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">You were hired to facilitate, not think.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI think we have . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Substitute with &#8220;It appears&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI want . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Again, &#8220;We need&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI would like . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Again, &#8220;We need&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Now for our favorite &#8230;<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>____________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>\u201cI\u2019d like you to help me . . .\u201d<\/strong><\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">But we hired you to help us!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>____________________________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>Followed by &#8230;<\/strong><\/h3>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI\u2019ll talk about . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Shut up and listen.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI\u2019m hearing . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be, &#8220;We&#8217;re hearing that&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cI\u2019m very interested in . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Could be, &#8220;We would all benefit from knowing&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cWhat I would like you to do . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be &#8220;What we need to do now is&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cWhat I\u2019d like to do . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">You don&#8217;t need permission to do your job, just do it.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cWhat I\u2019d like to do now is . . .\u201d<\/span>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Should be, &#8220;What we are going to do next is&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Or, using a first-person variant such as:<\/strong><\/h3>\n<ul style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cSounds to me . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cMy thoughts . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cCan you tell me . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cTell me . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>\u201cHelp me . . .\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u201cMy meeting . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Our favorites are in bold font (\u201cHelp me\u201d)\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Since we are led to believe that the reason for engaging a facilitator is to help us (participants), simply use integrative rhetoric, substituting the plural \u201cwe\u201d or \u201cus\u201d such as \u201cWe need . . .\u201d or \u201cWe are going to . . .\u201d \u00a0The biggest challenge for many is that they remain unconscious as to what they are saying, how many times they are saying \u201cI\u201d, and the negative impact it has on their <em>persona<\/em> as an effective facilitator. \u00a0When a meeting leader frequently uses the word \u201cI\u201d, such as &#8220;I&#8221;. . .<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"> believe . . . <\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u00a0want . . .<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"> think . . . <\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">\u00a0hope . . .<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"> need . . .<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"> feel . . .<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"> etc . . . focus becomes directed at them instead of the issue at hand, most importantly, the meeting deliverable. Therefore, guess who will own the deliverable at the end of such a meeting?\u00a0 The &#8220;I&#8221;s have it<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_15089\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Illness-vs-Wellness.webp\"><img wpfc-lazyload-disable=\"true\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15089\" class=\"wp-image-15089\" src=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Illness-vs-Wellness-1024x585.webp\" alt=\"Illness or Wellness\" width=\"400\" height=\"229\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-15089\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">&#8220;I&#8221;llness or &#8220;We&#8221;llness<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>How to Influence Ownership<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">To ensure that ownership of meeting output is owned and shared by everyone, and to help you become a more effective facilitator, look at the difference between the following two terms:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Illness<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Wellness<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">The simple (and somewhat humorous, albeit coincidental) difference is contrasting the first person singular to the first person plural. Above all, the focus should always be on the issue and the participants, not on the facilitator.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Record yourself some time, listen to the recording, and count the occurrences of the word \u201cI.\u201d\u00a0 You may be surprised, and if so, now you can do something about it to become a more effective facilitator.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Finally, stay vigilant about saying \u201cThank you\u201d too often. Optimally, you should probably never say \u201cThank you\u201d, but we understand the need for you to be natural as well. However, if you are constantly thanking participants for their contributions, who does it appear the deliverable is built to serve? Therefore, transferring ownership of the meeting output begins with integrative and pluralistic rhetoric. Avoid the colloquial and stay conscious. After all, you should be there to serve them, not the other way around.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong>Build Immediate Results, Create Long-Lasting Impact<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt; color: #000000;\">Our hands-on approach to meeting leadership, facilitation, and design offers immediate improvements in the productivity and effectiveness of your meetings. By focusing on purpose-driven agendas, engaging facilitation, and clear processes, we empower professionals to create meetings that yield results, enhance decision quality, and foster meaningful participation.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt; color: #000000;\">Are you ready to transform your meetings into opportunities for impactful decision-making and innovative problem-solving? Explore our curriculum and discover how structured training in meeting leadership and facilitation can elevate your team\u2019s potential and enhance every session\u2019s effectiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt; color: #000000;\"><strong>______<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt; color: #000000;\">Don\u2019t ruin your career by hosting <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/bad-meetings\/\">bad meetings<\/a>. Sign up for a <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/public-facilitation-training\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">workshop<\/a> or send this to someone who should. <em><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20260106090117\/https:\/\/mgrush.com\/\">MGRUSH<\/a><\/em>workshops focus on meeting design and practice. Each person practices tools, methods, and activities daily during the week. Therefore, while some call this immersion, we call it the road to building high-value facilitation skills.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>______<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">With Bookmarks no longer a feature in WordPress, we need to add the following for your benefit and reference<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">20 Prioritization Techniques = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/foldingburritos.com\/product-prioritization-techniques\/\">https:\/\/foldingburritos.com\/product-prioritization-techniques\/<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Creativity Techniques = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mycoted.com\/Category:Creativity_Techniques\">https:\/\/www.mycoted.com\/Category:Creativity_Techniques<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Facilitation Training Calendar = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/public-facilitation-training-calendar\/\">https:\/\/mgrush.com\/public-facilitation-training-calendar\/<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Liberating Structures = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.liberatingstructures.com\/ls-menu\">http:\/\/www.liberatingstructures.com\/ls-menu<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Management Methods = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.valuebasedmanagement.net\/\">https:\/\/www.valuebasedmanagement.net<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Project Gutenberg = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gutenberg.org\/\">http:\/\/www.gutenberg.org\/wiki\/Main_Page<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Scrum Events Agendas = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/scrum-facilitation\/\">https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/scrum-facilitation\/<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Teleconference call = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/DYu_bGbZiiQ\">https:\/\/youtu.be\/DYu_bGbZiiQ<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The Size of Space = https:\/\/neal.fun\/size-of-space\/<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Visualization methods = <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.visual-literacy.org\/periodic_table\/periodic_table.html\">http:\/\/www.visual-literacy.org\/periodic_table\/periodic_table.html#<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As an effective facilitator, stop saying &#8220;I&#8221; Learn to naturally substitute the plural \u201cwe\u201d or \u201cus\u201d.\u00a0 However, for others, it remains a significant challenge. Therefore, if challenged, consider this opportunity as the number one change you can embrace to become a more effective facilitator. Stop saying &#8220;I&#8221;. We have witnessed many people using the word [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6137,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[453185969,453185951],"tags":[453192329,453191116,453191115,453192328],"class_list":["post-2944","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication-skills","category-leadership-skills","tag-illness","tag-pluralistic-rhetoric","tag-stop-saying-i","tag-wellness"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.8 (Yoast SEO v27.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Effective Facilitators Stop Saying &quot;I&quot; and Use Pluralistic Rhetoric<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Effective facilitators stop saying &quot;I&quot; -- for some, it is easy to substitute the plural \u201cwe\u201d or \u201cus\u201d. 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