{"id":1095,"date":"2012-09-20T04:52:03","date_gmt":"2012-09-20T08:52:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/facilitativeleadership.wordpress.com\/?p=1095"},"modified":"2026-05-01T15:26:47","modified_gmt":"2026-05-01T19:26:47","slug":"crucial-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/crucial-conversations\/","title":{"rendered":"Facilitating Crucial Conversations and the Dialogue Model"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Numerous alumni have asked if we have read <em>Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High<\/em>, and so we did.<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Most of us do not take the time to read everything on our \u201cBook List\u201d. Therefore, please find our takeaways from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Crucial-Conversations-Tools-Talking-Stakes\/dp\/1260474186\/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2V0K82CBD27Y4&amp;keywords=crucial+conversations&amp;qid=1692043136&amp;sprefix=crucial+conversations%2Caps%2C205&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Crucial Conversations <\/em><\/a>as they apply to being a more effective facilitator. For your benefit, they are listed sequentially according to the page numbers in the first edition (2002).<\/span><\/p>\n<h4>First Part<\/h4>\n<div id=\"attachment_1096\" style=\"width: 753px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1096\" class=\"wp-image-1096 size-full\" title=\"Dialogue Model\" src=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dialogue-model.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"743\" height=\"744\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dialogue-model.png 743w, https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dialogue-model-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dialogue-model-300x300.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 743px) 100vw, 743px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-1096\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>Crucial Conversations and the\u00a0Dialogue Model<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Glossary \u2013 Crucial conversations provide a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page xii \u2013 Crucial conversations do not simply transact and inform, rather they transform. They create a middle way, not a compromise, between two opposites on a straight-line continuum, like a higher middle ground. Think of the apex of a triangle.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page xiii \u2013 Most breakthroughs in life are truly \u201cbreak-withs\u201d meaning that we must let go of old habits, patterns, and beliefs to allow room for new ideas to rise.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 20 \u2013 Skilled facilitators find a way to get all the relevant information considered in the discussion, providing an integrative path whereby the question is not \u201cWho gets the biggest piece?\u201d but rather \u201cHow can we make the pie bigger?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 24 \u2013 Decision-making quality is improved with increased shared meaning and crucial conversations. For additional discussion on this critical topic, see our posting on the importance of rhetorical precision and how participants can be in violent agreement with each other, and need someone to listen.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 29 \u2013 Ironically, the most talented people continuously try to improve their dialogue skills. Hopefully, that means you and I as well.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 43 \u2013 Focus on AND, not BUT. Stifle comments that begin with \u201cX, Y, and Z may be true BUT . . .\u201d and force your participants to use the word AND as in \u201cX, Y, and Z may be true AND . . .\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 49 \u2013 When it\u2019s safe, people can say anything. When it\u2019s unsafe, participants start to go blind. Remember the first responsibility of the facilitator is to protect the people in the room. The deliverable is sought only to serve the people and not the other way around. Make them safe, first and foremost.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4>Second Part<\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 126 \u2013 Begin with facts because facts are the least controversial, the most persuasive, and the least insulting. By MG Rush standards, facts are objective components to which we can all agree. Remember to convert the subjective (as in subject matter expert) to the objective by asking about the unit of measurements (resulting in objective Scoville units rather than subjective comments about the chili being hot).<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 141 \u2013 One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears\u2014by listening to them. Frequently participants simply need to know that someone else understands their point of view. Do not forget that active listening implies providing reflection about what they said and confirming whether or not you were correct, an essential component of crucial conversations.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 164 \u2013 Four methods of decision-making: command, consult, vote, and consensus. While the FAST technique discourages voting, even these world-class authors (e.g., Steven Covey) suggest using consensus building for complex issues with high stakes, where everyone must support the final choice.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Page 182 \u2013 Dialogue Model (slightly modified)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">See <a href=\"https:\/\/cruciallearning.com\/about-us\/\">www.crucialconversations.com<\/a> for further insight:\u00a0<em>Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High\u00a0<\/em>by Kerry Patterson (Author), Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author), Al Switzler (Author), Stephen R. Covey (Author),\u00a0Publisher: McGraw-Hill; first edition (June 18, 2002), ISBN-10: 0071401946,\u00a0ISBN-13: 978-0071401944<\/span><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000; font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>______<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\">Don\u2019t ruin your career by hosting <a href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/blog\/bad-meetings\/\">bad meetings<\/a>. Sign up for a <a href=\"https:\/\/mgrush.com\/public-facilitation-training\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">workshop<\/a> or send this to someone who should. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20260106090117\/https:\/\/mgrush.com\/\">MGR<span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">USH<\/span><\/a><\/em> workshops focus on meeting design and practice. Each person practices tools, methods, and activities every day during the week. Therefore, while some call this immersion, we call it the road to building high-value facilitation skills.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Numerous alumni have asked if we have read Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, and so we did. Most of us do not take the time to read everything on our \u201cBook List\u201d. Therefore, please find our takeaways from Crucial Conversations as they apply to being a more effective facilitator. For your [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1096,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[453185969],"tags":[138617,453190690,453190691,453189029,7182319,453190705,453190692],"class_list":["post-1095","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication-skills","tag-active-listening","tag-crucial-conversations","tag-dialogue-model","tag-facilitation-skills","tag-facilitator-training","tag-neutrality","tag-tools-for-talking"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.8 (Yoast SEO v27.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Facilitating Crucial Conversations and the Dialogue Model<\/title>\n<meta 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